Author Archives: minimalismrules

The most important thing you need to know about completing your bucket list

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Last year, I made a bucket list of some of the things I wanted to do in my life before I die. Usually, when I have an important goal to achieve, I would break down the goal – what do I have to accomplish by when? What do I have to do first in order to do second? Complex goals usually require complex planning.

However, I intentionally left my bucket list vague. Indeed, some of them are just one word long. Why? Because contrary to what it sounds like, the things on my bucket list are not goals. 

what a bucket list really is

My bucket list tells the story of an adventure – my adventure. A good story isn’t about the destination, but the journey there. No matter where you go or what you do, it’s what you learn, and how you grow on the way that matters.

Travel is about discovering yourself. The phrase ‘finding yourself’ usually conjures up the image of a mountaintop or some other glamorous destination. However, you won’t find out who you are by wading through the Amazon or meditating in a Zen temple. Everything you need to discover about yourself is already within you.

Knowing this is liberating. It means that you can find meaning in your own backyard. You don’t have to get on a plane – just going for a walk around the block, or taking a train to the next town, can be an adventure in itself. You can learn a lot just by being more mindful of the surroundings you’re in right now, and taking a moment to be grateful for what you already have.

However, if it’s possible for you, visiting other countries can also be worth your while. Going outside of your comfort zone, whether it’s in the same country, or within another culture, can open mind, and widen your perspective on the different ways of thinking by different people. It can challenge your beliefs – which is a good thing – and make you stronger as a person.

Wherever you choose to go, remember that there is a difference between travelling for the sake of travelling and going somewhere to enjoy the journey itself. In other words, are you just trying to get to ‘X’, or do you care about the road there? When people create bucket lists, are they really only thinking about reaching a destination? Or are they thinking about the journey too?

The real question is, which one are you thinking about?

real travel is about the journey, not the destination

The Buddha’s story isn’t about reaching the goal of enlightenment itself, but about his pursuit of the rightful path

The concept is easier to understand when you look at the other things I have on my list. For example, ‘learn Japanese’ is so vague – how can one possibly know when they’ve ‘learned’ a language? The answer is that you can’t. I’m now living and working in Japan, and I could say that I’m fluent in Japanese, but I still haven’t crossed it off the list. I don’t think I’ll ever reach a place where I can say I’ve ‘completed’ this item, but that was never my intention. It was the process of learning that has given me so much. Because I’ve taken the time to learn a new language, a whole new world had opened up for me. I wouldn’t be where I am now if I hadn’t made the effort.

In the same way, I didn’t run a marathon for the medal. After all, it’s just a piece of metal. A medal and a free T-shirt is merely a representation of my hard work. It was all of those hours I spent running that mattered. By training for it, my body became healthier, I learned to eat better, and I built my mental and physical endurance. The actual marathon itself didn’t matter nearly as much as the sweat and tears I had shed in all the runs I did before it. The strength I gained didn’t just happen to me suddenly when I crossed the finish line, I collected it slowly, step by step, along the journey that I had already made.

So yes, you and I may never complete our bucket lists, but that’s okay. This is not an excuse. It’s not supposed to merely be a list of stuff to be ticked off one by one – it can be so much more than that.

Your bucket list should tell your story. How it goes is up to you. 

In Praise of Quiet Moments

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We tend to measure life by our memories. The most joyful or devastating, exciting or stressful, interesting or hard fought for milestones, from one to the next, they stand out the most in our minds.

These are the things we go out of our way to do, to plan for, to work for, to pay for. Advertising encourages us to fit as many ‘experiences’ as we can cram into our lives. When the big moment arrives, we take photos on our smartphones, upload to social media, even journal or tell our friends and children about it.

We remember these events for years, but everything else in between is forgotten.

What did you do on an typical Tuesday afternoon? Or a quiet Thursday evening? Or a routine Sunday morning? It may seem unimportant, but what if the ordinary in-between moments are just as powerful as the extraordinary ones?

Who knew that a regular day sitting on the sofa with my grandmother, half watching TV while sharing some fruit would be the last time I saw her alive? Nothing lasts forever, not even the mundane. Everything will pass, whether you notice it or not.

Indeed, it is a practice to be as grateful for the journey as the destination. It’s not easy to give our limited attention to the unremarkable moments, but they probably make up about 90% of our daily lives. If we live a good life with multiple journeys to multiple destinations, what kind of fulfilment would we have if we only appreciated 10% of it?

So maybe in a month’s time I won’t remember this moment—sipping my coffee as I write this, the smell of it waking me up to the sound of the city going by outside my window on this sunny July morning—but I can enjoy it right now, thoroughly and gratefully, for everything it’s worth.

On Vanity — How Valuable Things Can Actually Be Worthless

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Why do we buy stuff? Not everything we buy is useful, so there must be other reasons why we work so hard to buy things.

Maybe it’s because we find a sense of happiness or satisfaction when we buy something new, but we all know that that feeling soon fades (even though we almost never remember this every time we buy something new).

Why we buy stuff has less to do with the object itself than with ourselves. When we buy expensive clothes, the newest gadgets or a flashy car, it’s because we believe it will give us recognition from the people around us—we’ll ‘show’ them how successful we are so that they’ll accept us, or even love us.

Humans crave recognition. To be part of a group, or at least not be in some else’s shadow. Most people are more influenced by what other people think of them than what they actually want ourselves.

Think about it—if everyone in the world disappeared tomorrow and you were the only one left (apart from the upset you would have from losing your friends and loved ones) what would you do now that you could have anything you desired?

You could just walk into someone’s mansion, even the most beautiful castle, and have it all to yourself. You could pick and choose anyone’s finest clothing and jewellery, even put on the crown if you wanted to! Drive a Ferrari, swim in bank notes, have hundreds of iPhones. But after a while, what would happen? With no one to impress, the chances are that you’ll find somewhere more convenient and easier to maintain than a huge house, you’ll wear clothes that are more comfortable, you’ll drive something more practical and you’ll get bored of the latest gadget.

Things you thought were worth a lot won’t matter as much any more. You’re the last person on earth, there’s nothing left but to find something worthwhile to do, something that makes you happy, not anyone else.

If no one was around to validate our existence, as society has defined by how much stuff we have, we wouldn’t actually care about it. Hardly anyone would actually choose to have their life’s purpose revolve around buying things, but so many people do exactly that every day, without stopping to question it.

We don’t have to go as far as erasing every other person on Earth. If we just cared a little less about what other people think, we’d care a little more about what we want, and what really matters to us.

How our values change the course of our lives

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Ask people what is most important to them—what they think is the foundation for the best kind of life—and most would reply, “love, happiness, and good health.”

They’re not wrong. There’s lots you can live without, but if you don’t feel anyone cares about you, or fulfilled in any way, or if your body is failing, it’s hard to imagine life being that great.

On top of those, there are many other things that people value in life, such as:

  • Security (the feeling of safety and stability)
  • Intimacy (feeling connected or close to others)
  • Adventure (seeking fun/thrills, wanting to try out new things)
  • Freedom (being independent, ability to make own choices)
  • Contribution (making a positive change or difference)
  • Success (feeling accomplished)
  • Passion (doing enjoyable things)
  • Growth (learning new things, self-improvement)
  • Integrity (being honest and having strong moral principles)
  • Comfort (seeking pleasure, avoiding pain)
  • Many others…

What each value means and how important they are varies between each person. How you rank these values can affect everything from what kind of job or career you have, to who you choose for a partner (or, at least, what/who you would be happy with in the long term). One might value passion over security, and choose a job or person they love over one that earns more. Another might be horrified at that idea and do the opposite.

Values can be opposing or overlapping. Contribution might be synonymous with success for some, whilst others believe sacrificing security is necessary for success, in their startup for example.

What’s more, some people have higher values in one area, and a different value in other areas. Someone might seek security above all else in their relationships, but go all out adventurous in their travels.

The whole topic of values can be quite complex, but the main point is that you’ll hardly find two things on the anyone’s list that the majority of people in the modern world are spending most of their waking life on—money and material things.

Money and material things are not really values, but are means to get some of the feelings we do value. Money may give people a sense of security or freedom, and having nice things gives some people comfort, or a feeling of accomplishment.

Rarely are money and things actually valuable to people, deep down. Yes, money can afford you basic necessities and healthcare, but it can’t buy you love and fulfilment. Ask anyone who has bought something that they’ve long dreamed of buying if they would happily die now, you’ll hear a resounding no.

Living minimally is a reminder to focus on our values. Instead of being caught up with keeping up with the latest trends on Instagram, or what people think of us, we instead try to minimise distractions and bring our actions back in line with what’s really important to us.

Would you buy the biggest house on the street if you didn’t have time to spend in it with your family? That depends if you value love over what the neighbours think. Would you get into debt for the latest gadget or designer shoes? That depends if you value security and freedom over appearances.

Our values don’t make us who we are but how we rank them influences everything we do. Our actions should be aligned with our values, but you’ll be surprised by how many people haven’t even thought about it, or spend years ignoring the signs, or even doing the complete opposite of what would actually make them happy.

If we can agree that the best life is spent dedicated to what mattered to us the most, then let’s not waste any more time. Cut out, pare down, simplify. Clear the path ahead. By deciding what we value the most, we create our life compass, pointing us in the direction we want to go.

The Most Important Things To Minimize

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Having lived a minimalist lifestyle for nearly ten years (by my definition anyway), I don’t have a lot of things left to get rid of that I don’t use or need.

But there is one big thing that I can do with much less of this year—distractions.

I have noticed lately that I have been finding it more and more difficult to focus solely on a single task.

Whenever I sit down to do some work, whether it’s reading, writing, studying etc. I hardly last 10 or 20 minutes before I’ve got a tab open on something new, or I’ve absent mindedly moved onto something else without realising it. Before I know it, it’s 9pm and I haven’t gotten much done that day.

Distractions come in so many forms. It’s impossible to get rid of them all, but there are some major ones that would make a big difference if I were to reduce them as much as possible.

Distractions

  1. Daily news. Given the political environment, following the news last year always made me angry/upset/confused. There’s always something bad going on in the world, and there’s a line somewhere between being informed about world events, and knowing too much that it’s just upsetting.
  2. Social media. Even though I stopped following people on my feed years ago, I ended up replacing them with news sites that used to be informative, but have degraded to pointless videos about things that don’t add value to my life.
  3. TV. Every time one show finishes, and I think I can take a break from TV, another one starts up again and I end up watching about 4-8 hours of TV a week which I can do with halving. There are many better things for me to do with an hour each day.

Minimalise by…

  1. Disabling all notifications
  2. Deleting news bookmarks from my computer and phone
  3. Turning off the colour to my iPhone so it looks boring
  4. Logging out of social media from all browsers
  5. Turning my computer off if I intend to do something else
  6. Deleting all social apps from my phone
  7. Keep a notepad to look things up later instead of doing it instantly
  8. Unsubscribing from Netflix
  9. Letting go of TV shows even though I haven’t finished them
  10. Any other 100+ ways that’s not actually difficult to do

To be replaced with…

  1. Face to face interactions. I want to spend more time connecting with people in person, including friends and family, and also I will make an effort to network more this year with people who up my game, in business, in life, emotionally, and intelligently.
  2. Learning/investing in myself. Every dollar I have ever spent on a book has been well worth it, so I attended a training workshop this month that costed a lot of money but was worth every penny. Now I’m on track to make 10x the cost of that seminar back. I’m convinced the more I learn, the more I earn.
  3. Deep work. I want to reach my goal of reading 52 books this year while making better notes so that I retain more of what I learn. I also want to spend more time writing for the both Minimal Student and Minimalist Meditations, and updating my journals on a weekly basis instead of monthly.

It all comes down to wanting to do things with intention and awareness. If I’m distracted less, I can focus more on doing all the things I want to in the time that I have.

Embrace Change

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Leaving home is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my short lifetime. Even though I didn’t want to admit it, I knew that I was too young and naive to be able to handle everything on my own. I put on a brave face, organising everything that needed to be done, packed everything and even said goodbye, barely shedding a tear. And now I’m here, I can’t help but feel slightly alone.

But, even so, I’m not unhappy. In fact, I’m having the time of my life. I’ve never had so much fun before. All of the worrying was basically for nothing, now that I’m enjoying every moment I’m here.

I do miss home, but I’ve learnt that hanging onto the past and ‘what used to be’ can only lead to remorse and sadness. Instead, I’ve managed to let go and embrace change. Of course I still love my family and friends, but nothing is permanent, and when change comes, which it inevitably will, the best thing to do is to take it head in and learn to make the most of it.

How do I make the most of it? I make sure I appreciate every moment. Even the simple things like walking through campus or sitting in a lecture hall. These were the kind of things I dreamed about when I was younger. Spending a moment to take a deep breath and say to myself ‘I’m actually here‘ reaffirms the fact that I want to be here and that not only did I choose to be here but that I worked my ass off to do it.

So, when I’m feeling blue because I’m thinking of home, I might give my parents a quick phone call, but instead of thinking about how much I miss home, I should think of the happiness I can create for myself right here.

Learning To Say No

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…is an essential part of living minimally.

Most of the things we’re asked to or recommended to do/see/try/buy etc. are rooted in other people’s desires, needs, and expectations, not from our own.

You only have a certain amount of time in life. It’s a zero sum game—the more you fill it with one thing, the less you have to fill it with something else. It’s a direct trade off.

By saying no, you avoid wasting time and effort on things that distract you from what really matters.

It takes courage and discipline to say no, especially if people are relying on you. That’s when you have to ask yourself the hard questions about what’s most important to you, and then do what you need to do.

If you’re not sure what to do then try this—if it isn’t a ‘fuck yes!’, then it’s a no.

Go on, live your life protecting your time as if it’s your most precious resource, because it is.

How Living In A Scarcity Mindset Changes Everything

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As a child growing up in an immigrant family, I’ve always been taught to treasure every hard earned penny. Whenever I did make a big purchase, whether it was for something fun like going out with friends, or even for something I genuinely needed, instead of enjoying it I would feel guilty about it for days.

Looking back, I understand now that I was operating under a scarcity mindset. I was taught by my parents that you couldn’t be sure that there would always be enough, so you better make every penny count because one day you might really need it.

To be fair, this kind of attitude was true to their experience. There were times in their childhood when they genuinely didn’t have enough to eat if they didn’t work hard for it. So they did everything they could to set up a life where that wouldn’t apply to their children.

It worked, because fortunately I’ve never had to go hungry. But I inherited their scarcity mindset about everything, including their attitude towards money and possessions. Growing up, we would hang onto everything we had, including furniture, clothes, toys, everything and anything, and hardly threw stuff away, even if we didn’t need it anymore.

It wasn’t until I discovered minimalism as a teenager, and spent the next decade writing and developing my own life philosophy around it that I was able to change. I was motivated from being able to see that my parents weren’t much happier, even when they were surrounded by all the money and stuff they earned and saved over the years.

Thanks to discovering minimalism, I got rid of things I no longer used and didn’t feel guilty about it. I stopped caring as much about what people thought of me, so I no longer felt the need to buy things I didn’t need. With my savings, I was able to quit my job and start my own business. Now I never have to worry about not having enough, and that makes me feel more free than ever. I am thankful every day for that.

Living in scarcity feels like having a daily dose of fear. It helps you survive, and sometimes it’s what you need. It’s taken a long time, but I’ve learned now that it’s only by living with a mindset of abundance that you can thrive.

On Abundance

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It seems like a contradiction, but having an abundant mindset is essential for living a minimalist lifestyle.

The reason why most people buy and keep too much stuff is because they’re scared.

They’re afraid that if they don’t buy something they’re missing out, and if they throw something away there won’t be a chance to have it again.

They have a mindset based on scarcity so they take whatever they can, and they hoard money or clothes or whatever they have in case it runs out, or in case they need it in the future.

But if you thought that there was plenty to go around, you wouldn’t mind having only what you actually needed, because you know you could always get more if you had to.

Which leads us to a beautiful paradox—in order to be comfortable with living with less, you have to believe that the world is full of abundance.

You can always earn more money, buy more furniture, or replace winter sweaters. Be generous with what you have. There will always be more. If you don’t need it, it’s okay to let it go.

Marie Kondo & coffee on a table

Minimalism and the KonMari Method by Marie Kondo

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I’ve been a long time fan of Marie Kondo and her work, so it’s been great to see her gain so much popularity lately.

Over the past few months, I’ve witnessed dozens of people doing big clear outs, giving stuff away for other people to use, or donating bags to charity. It’s great to see the mindset shift towards having less stuff becoming mainstream.

One thing I get asked about a lot is what I think about her ‘KonMari Method’. Essentially, it consists of six basic rules:

  1. Commit yourself to tidying up.
  2. Imagine your ideal lifestyle.
  3. Finish discarding first. Before getting rid of items, sincerely thank each item for serving its purpose.
  4. Tidy by category, not location.
  5. Follow the right order
  6. Ask yourself if it sparks joy.

There is so much that I love about her method. While I’m not able to sustain the rigorous folding rules of individual clothing items, I do agree with a lot of her philosophy:

Tidying as a reset button

In her book ‘The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying’, she says, “The moment you start you reset your life”. This is so true. Imagining your ideal lifestyle while committing to having a big clear out makes you rethink your relationship to stuff. You can address your anxieties and begin a new phase in your life where you don’t put as much emphasis on buying and having things. Kondo is careful to say that tidying is not a magic bullet that solves all the problems in your life, but since clutter naturally induces distraction and anxiety, getting rid of it is a good way to start.

Storing is not tidying

Tidying, done properly, should not be mistaken for simply making a house neater. “Putting things away creates the illusion that the clutter problem has been solved”, she writes. I’ve seen many people make the same mistake—just because things are hidden in drawers or organised in boxes it doesn’t mean it’s gone, and it doesn’t mean the underlying problem has been addressed. First, one must be willing and able to discard the unnecessary, then they can sort out the important items that are left. Hiding things is a way of not being honest with oneself.

Thank something before you get rid of it

It sounds silly but this has actually helped me say goodbye to things that I otherwise would have found hard to give or throw away. If it’s something that I used or wore a lot, it’s nice to say something like, “Thank you for the memories”. If it was something I didn’t use, at least I can say, “Thank you for teaching me that I didn’t need/suit this”. It helps to think that every item has played a role in my life, whether large or small, but nothing is forever and when it’s time to move on I can still be grateful for it in some way.

Tidy by category in the right order

Her method is clear that the best way to address stuff is in the order of clothes > books > papers > komono (a.k.a. Miscellaneous Items) > sentimental items. The rationale is that it goes from easiest to hardest, so that people can start with momentum, and by the time they get to the end they would have honed their ability to sense what sparks joy and won’t find it as difficult to get rid of sentimental things at the end. I do agree with this reasoning, and she does allow a lot of flexibility, which is just as well because people will differ greatly on what they have a lot or a little of, and what they find easy/difficult so the order might change.

Keep the things that make you happy

Kondo isn’t a traditional ‘minimalist’ as most people think of the word. The criterion she uses to decide whether or not to keep an item is whether or not it ‘sparks joy’. Put simply, if it gives you a good feeling, then keep it. It doesn’t matter if the item is something that is regularly used or not, which is how ‘minimalists’ tend to decide. This way, you look to keep more happiness in your life, instead of chopping stuff out just because it doesn’t get used.

Minimalism and the KonMari method aren’t opposing ideals if you understand that minimalism isn’t about decluttering for the sake of it. Having a tidier house isn’t what’s important—it’s about getting rid of distractions so that you can focus on what matters most to you. It’s not about the number of things you own, but how much they make you happy.

If you think of it like that, minimalism and Kondo’s method have a lot in common. In the end, they both have the same noble goal—to find happiness beyond stuff.