Worst Jokes of All Time: The Groaners People Keep Telling

The worst jokes of all time are the puns, dad jokes and anti-jokes that get a groan before they get a laugh. If one joke has a claim to the title on the record, it’s “What’s brown and sticky? A stick.” It was the joke people submitted most often to LaughLab, the online experiment psychologist Richard Wiseman ran in 2001 and 2002 to find the world’s funniest joke.

Below are the record holders first, then the classic groaners sorted by type, then a few notes on why bad jokes keep working.

The record holders

Most submitted: “What’s brown and sticky? A stick.” LaughLab collected around 40,000 jokes, and this one turned up more than any other.

Written by a computer: “What kind of murderer has moral fiber? A cereal killer.” LaughLab mixed five computer-generated jokes in with the human ones. Four did badly, but this one was rated higher than about a third of the jokes written by people.

The official winner: two hunters are in the woods when one collapses. His friend calls emergency services and says he thinks his friend is dead. The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There’s a silence, then a gunshot, and the hunter comes back on the line: “OK, now what?” It was later traced to a 1951 Goon Show sketch by Spike Milligan. Wiseman has since called it “the average joke,” the one that the fewest people disliked.

The oldest on record: “Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.” It is a Sumerian saying from around 1900 BC. A 2008 study led by Paul McDonald at the University of Wolverhampton, commissioned by the UK TV channel Dave, named it the oldest recorded joke.

The most retold: “Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.” It was printed in 1847 in The Knickerbocker, a New York magazine. It’s an anti-joke, which is why it still gets a groan.

Worst pun jokes

I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

I would tell you a joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.

What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing. It just waved.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

Worst dad jokes

“I’m hungry.” “Hi, hungry. I’m Dad.”

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.

What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurty.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.

“Dad, can you put my shoes on?” “No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.”

I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.

Worst knock-knock jokes

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it’s cold out here.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Don’t cry, it’s only a joke.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting c— Moo!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? (Repeat three times.) Knock, knock. Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?

Anti-jokes

An anti-joke sets you up for a punchline and then gives you a plain, literal answer. The groan comes from the missing twist.

What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

What’s the difference between a duck? One of its legs is both the same.

A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, sensing danger.

What do you get if you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

Groaners that won a prize anyway

The UK channel Dave runs an annual award for the funniest joke at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe, and puns win it often. Two winners:

“I’m not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change.” — Ken Cheng, 2017.

“I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it.” — Mark Simmons, 2024.

Why bad jokes still work

A groan is still a reaction. It shows the listener got the joke, and it’s often followed by a laugh at how bad it was.

One explanation comes from the benign violation theory, set out by researchers Peter McGraw and Caleb Warren in a 2010 paper in Psychological Science. It says we laugh when something seems wrong but harmless at the same time. A pun breaks the rules of language, and nobody gets hurt.

Wiseman’s “average joke” finding points the same way. A mild, silly joke rarely offends anyone, so it travels further than a sharp one. That’s why dad jokes work at a family dinner and in a classroom, where darker material wouldn’t.

How to tell a bad joke well

Keep a straight face. A bad joke delivered deadpan gets more groans than one told with a grin.

Commit to it. Pause before the punchline, deliver it plainly and never explain it afterward.

Keep it short. The groaners that last are one or two lines, which makes them easy to remember and pass on.

For a classroom, one pun a day on the whiteboard works the same way as a quote of the day. For yearbooks, our list of crazy senior quotes includes joke-style lines that usually get approved, and our funny graduation quotes suit cards and speeches. If your group prefers its humor grimmer, see our dark humor quotes.

FAQ

What is the worst joke ever told?

There’s no official ranking, but “What’s brown and sticky? A stick” has a claim. It was the most submitted joke in LaughLab, a large online humor experiment, and it’s still a standard groaner.

What is the oldest joke in the world?

A Sumerian saying from around 1900 BC about a young wife breaking wind in her husband’s lap. A 2008 University of Wolverhampton study named it the oldest recorded joke.

What makes a joke a dad joke?

A dad joke is a short, clean pun or wordplay joke that’s more groan-worthy than funny. The “Hi hungry, I’m Dad” line is the classic example.

What is an anti-joke?

A joke with a literal or deliberately pointless punchline. “Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side” is the classic example.